Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:09] Hello everyone and welcome to this week's episode of the Whole Health podcast. Thank you for joining me. Now, have you ever experienced a time where things were going really well in your health habits? Maybe you were eating well, feeling motivated and in control, maybe you're moving a little bit more, but then somehow you find yourself drifting back into those old habits again.
[00:00:31] Maybe it was due to stress or life got busy, maybe an off day turned into a week or simply just lost that motivation. Well, this is what I want to talk about today. And that is why we self sabotage when things start going well doesn't make sense, does it? And you know, we don't do this because we're lazy or weak. There are usually deeper reasons behind it and once we understand those patterns better, we can start responding with more awareness rather than beating ourselves up and falling off track completely. And it might surprise you to know that you're not alone in this incredibly common It's a protective mechanism, it's a coping strategy and it's a learned pattern. And the frustrating thing is it often shows up right when things are going well. And to understand why we can fall into these self sabotaging behavior patterns, it's important to note that our brain loves familiarity. Even if our current habits aren't helping us. They're familiar, they feel safe. And so when we start eating differently or setting those boundaries, maybe we're prioritizing ourselves and starting to lose weight and feeling better. It can actually feel really uncomfortable. But the thing is, growth requires that change.
[00:01:41] Say you have a long history of emotional eating and you're now trying not to do that. Or you've always put others first but now you're prioritising yourself. Or maybe you're beginning to feel more confident. After years of low self esteem, these new behaviours feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So even without realising it, you begin slipping back into those old habits and patterns not because you want to, but because they feel predictable and emotionally safe. And this is important to understand because self sabotage is not about you not caring enough. It's simply the challenge of trying to become a different version of yourself while part of you still feels more comfortable with those old patterns and behaviors.
[00:02:21] And if we add into the mix the all or nothing mentality, we then convince ourselves that if I can't do this perfectly, there's no point. Or that one biscuit becomes the old stuff. It I'm going to start again Monday. I've ruined everything now. And maybe you miss a workout and you think, oh my God, I've failed at it again gain. But healthy people aren't perfect. They are consistent. And a healthy lifestyle is built during those messy times, not just in those perfect weeks. And we all know that real life will always include busy days, holidays, stress, emotions. You're going to miss a workout now and again, you're going to have a takeaway, and there's going to be times where things don't go to plan. But the goal is not to never fall off track. That's unrealistic, is to stop turning one small detour into a complete derailment.
[00:03:08] And I truly believe that one of the most powerful skills we can develop is the ability to come back quicker without that guilt or needing to start over again every Monday. We've all been there. I've been there many times.
[00:03:21] And another common thing I've seen over the years is that fear of success. I mean, it doesn't sound, it sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it? Because sometimes we're not afraid of failure, but we are actually afraid of what happens when we succeed. The thought of more attention from others may be fear of maintaining those results that you've gained. The fear of becoming visible, losing our identity, such as the overweight friend, or maybe you've been the caregiver.
[00:03:47] Now it's changed and this can keep us stuck. And it feels safer than stepping into change. And I remember feeling this when I was prepping for my first bodybuilding show. I remember I was so apprehensive of what it would feel like to be in tip top shape and to really put myself out there for all to see, because let's face it, the bodybuilding physique, you're gonna stand out. And looking back now, I realize it wasn't really about my body, but it was about vulnerability, of being seen. Did I want to be seen? What if people judged me? What if I couldn't maintain that physique, which, by the way, you can't. And what if people expected that version of me all the time, which was unrealistic? And I think this can happen in many areas of life, not just in weight loss or fitness.
[00:04:31] Sometimes change brings attention, expectations, responsibility, or a shift in your identity. And that's going to feel uncomfortable. But one of the biggest lessons I learned was that often growth feels uncomfortable before it feels natural. And the next level of your life requires you to let go of that old version of yourself that felt safe and familiar. That can be quite scary. And to be honest, I don't think I was equipped to do that at the time, not physically or Emotionally. Because when growth happens faster on the outside than it does internally, it can take time for our confidence and identity and our mindset to catch up.
[00:05:09] And what about when life becomes stressful? We often return to old coping strategies, not because we're weak, but because they are familiar and they're easy and you see, under stress, the brain seeks relief. So we stop focusing on those long term goals and this can show up as comfort eating, withdrawing from exercise, doom scrolling. I've certainly done that. Drinking more alcohol or staying up late, or maybe giving up on habits that were actually making us feel good. I've been there myself. And beating ourselves up doesn't help us move forward. But understanding the pattern is what helps us change it.
[00:05:44] And what about our identity and how we see ourselves? This plays a big role because many of us try to force healthy habits without yet believing that there's someone who deserves to be happy or confident or to even succeed. But the biggest transformation is not that number on the scale or how many days you've stuck to the plan. It's how you see yourself.
[00:06:04] Because behaviours follow your beliefs. And if deep down you still see yourself as unhealthy or overweight, the one who always fails and never follows through, it can feel incredibly difficult to maintain new habits long term because you're fighting it the whole way. And honestly, I can really relate to this myself. I never truly believed I could be that bodybuilder standing confidently on stage. I never thought I could win a powerlifting competition either. Those things to me felt like something that other people did and they did really well. People who were more confident than me, maybe they were more capable, more disciplined. But over time I have realized that confidence comes after we take action, not before, not always before. Some people are naturally confident and great, but it's not always that way. And one of the biggest lessons I've learned is that we don't magically wake up one day feeling great because we've reached our goal weight. We need to build the belief in ourselves by continuing to show up even when things feel uncomfortable or uncertain or even boring.
[00:07:06] And to be honest, these thoughts started to creep in recently as I'm entering a completely new phase of life as a flight attendant and I'm stepping into a whole different world. I started week one of training this week and I'm with people that, you know, I don't know anything about this. So I'm learning new skills, I'm meeting new people and starting again in so many ways. And I'm not going to lie There have been moments where self doubt crept in and I think, oh gosh, can I really do this? You know, I'm 54. Am I 54? I'm 55, can't even remember my age, but here I am with lots of these young girls and guys and what am I doing here? But I've also learned that growth requires us to become a beginner again, and that's okay. And sometimes we wait to feel confident before we take the chance, when really confidence is really built through taking those chances.
[00:07:57] So maybe breaking self sabotage is not just changing habits, but slowly changing the story we tell ourself and about who we can become.
[00:08:05] Because you can do anything you want to do.
[00:08:08] So if you resonate with any of this, I want to give you six tools that you can use to stay on track and not let that self sabotage get the better of you.
[00:08:17] Number one is to notice it early. Ask yourself, what happened before I went off track?
[00:08:23] Awareness is one of the most powerful tools you can develop. Instead of instantly criticizing yourself or thinking here I go again, try becoming curious instead and ask yourself what was happening before this? Was I stressed or overwhelmed? Was I lonely or tired? Did I not sleep well? Did I over commit myself? Because there's often a trigger before the behaviour and when we recognise that pattern earlier, we have a much better chance of interrupting it before it spirals out of control.
[00:08:52] Number two is to remove any shame, because shame will just make things worse. Nothing good comes from this emotion.
[00:08:59] So many people think being hard on themselves will motivate them to change, but most of the time shame keeps them stuck. So thoughts like, I've ruined everything or I'm hopeless, I always fail, or one that I used to hear all the time was, oh, I've been bad this week make people want to give up altogether. And considering the average person has between 6 and 70,000 thoughts a day, you can imagine what damage this is gonna do if most of those thoughts are negative and you're beating yourself up. So instead of those negative thoughts, try speaking to yourself in a way that you would speak to someone that you care about.
[00:09:36] I guarantee that self aware creates change, self hatred does not.
[00:09:42] Number three is to stop waiting for Monday.
[00:09:45] Healthy living is not about being on track or off track. It's about making the best decision that you can in that moment. And one takeaway is not going to undo months of progress. One missed workout doesn't mean a failure. One stressful week is not going to erase everything you've learned. You don't need to wait for Monday or next month or January to begin again. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply reset at the very next meal, the very next hour or the next day. That's why we allow flexibility in the program. I want you to have a treat meal once or twice a week so that you don't feel that if you do have a takeaway that everything's lost. This is living, this is sustainable for life.
[00:10:26] Number four is to focus on those anchor habits. And I know I spoke about this one last week and I do touch on this quite often. So simple things, your foundational habits like sleep and water and protein and movement.
[00:10:39] When life feels chaotic or stressful, don't try to overhaul everything at once. If you've got a very busy schedule, it's going to be really hard to maintain. So come back to those basics. These anchor habits help ground us and they create that stability.
[00:10:53] And sometimes we make health feel far more complicated than it really needs to be.
[00:10:58] So things get a bit messy for you. Ask yourself, have I had enough water today? Have I eaten protein at every meal? Have I moved my body? Am I getting enough sleep? Have I spent time outside or taken a moment to slow down? And number five is to make goals smaller, tiny, consistent actions build trust within yourself. Many of us self sabotage because we try and change everything at once. And you know, I don't advocate that we set these unrealistic expectations such as working out every day, eating perfectly, not gonna have any sugar, and it becomes overwhelming and unsustainable. It's really hard to do long term. So instead of cutting things out completely and doing the all or nothing, focus on those small wins, such as adding protein to breakfast, walking for 10 minutes after you've eaten, drinking a bit more water, or going to bed 30 minutes earlier. These are all doable. And bit by bit you're going to build on these until you're living the lifestyle that you want to live.
[00:11:58] And because every time you follow through on a small promise to yourself, you begin rebuilding that trust and you gain that confidence again. And as boring as it sounds, confidence is built through consistency, not necessarily intensity. Final tip today, tip number six is to learn to recover quickly. Because the goal isn't perfection, it's resilience.
[00:12:20] And one of the biggest differences between people who maintain healthy habits long term and those who constantly restart is not that one person is more disciplined than the other, it's how quickly they recover. They don't turn one difficult day into six difficult weeks. They understand that setbacks are a part of life.
[00:12:39] So instead of asking how do I never fall off track, maybe the better question is how do I get back on track quicker and with less guilt? Because resilience is not about never struggling. It's about learning how to keep coming back to yourself time and again and to reflect on this personally. Over the years, my own view of health has changed so much. When I was younger and competing, and even when I was a PT starting out, I viewed health very differently. It was about performance, pushing harder, striving for perfection, that discipline and achieving your goals. And while there's nothing wrong with goals and ambition, I've come to realise that true health is so much more than that. It's much more nuanced. And my priorities personally have shifted and evolved over time. And I think one of the biggest lessons I have learned over the years is that consistency matters far more than extremes ever will. It's not about being perfect all the time. It's about continuing to come back to those habits that make you feel your best again and again.
[00:13:37] So I ask you, what tends to throw you off track most? Do you relate more to perfectionism, stress, emotional eating or overwhelm? What helps you recover quicker? What small habit helps you feel grounded again? I'd love to hear your thoughts on these questions. Please share with the group. Message me personally, because I bet you my bottom dollar that you're not alone.
[00:14:00] So thank you for joining me this week. I hope this has helped. If this is you, if you feel that you're always starting again, you feel that you're too higher expectations on yourself, I hope that you've gained something from my talk today. If you have any thoughts, any questions, don't forget to reach out. I'm always here for you and have a lovely week and I look forward to seeing you next time.
